Let's talk 'bout a new hurt of human : TSUNAMI

On Dec 26th in 2005, a beautiful day as normal, at a nice beach of Asia, everyone is relaxing, sunbathing, swimming… And… no one could return, due to a giant natural power, called TSUNAMI.
What is tsunami?
First of all, we can definite tsunami simply that it is the word from Japan. “Tsunami” has many meanings, but after 26.12.2004, it is said to describe a hard hurt to anyone. Tsunami generally is a series of huge waves happening after an undersea disturbance. Usually it occurs as numerous waves, the beginning is slight, the greatest is the third, forth or the fifth.
Secondly, more detailed, tsunami’s definition can’t tell us about its action. According to scientists’ research project, tsunami disaster consists of many waves, each of which moves with speed of 500 mph-equal to which of a jetliner. Its average height is about 40-50 feet, but as estimated, a tsunami can be 100 feet high! Have you ever wondered about that surprising height? Not only is it a vast range of water in motion, but tsunami is also a devil’s hand because of its uncountable power. It has to move a long distance tsunami is still so disastrous due to that power: great magnitude. With that strength, it drives out all barriers on its way, such as miles and miles coral reef, natural habitat and important ecosystem function.
But from what of where can the tsunami be so strong? Through investigating the sand left after the last tsunami in Asia, we know that there is an alter to make a normal wave so devastating. In the depth, the wave is only less than 50 centimeters high, but the nearer it moves to the shore, the stronger it becomes. When it reached the shallow area (continental shelf, …), it will be lifted up then down, and lead to tsunami, In fact, you can think of it more easily if you imagine when you throw a stone on a river’s surface, there will be much ripple, like tsunami (but different from each other of each own magnitude)
What leads to that change? In the other hand, there are the deep reasons which have been researched precisely and seriously. Some of them are undersea earthquake (high volume water is disturbed), landslide, volcano eruption and meteorite (impact between comet and asteroids). More clearly, die to the world’s crust’s vibration, 2 complicatedly structured tectonic plates (which are near Sumatra, affected by tsunami) crash into each other. Immediately, one dive beneath other’s edge, and lead to a quantity of great waves called tsunami.
Once tsunami occurred, things wiped out are not only money, houses… but also human body, also happiness, integration, warmth, and peace. Since 1840, there have been 8 tsunamis, the deadliest was in 2004. That tsunami was 9.0 magnitudes occurred in 3 places and killed thousands of citizens: Sumatra (170000 deaths), Sri Lanka (31000 deaths), Puket (Thailand). Besides, tsunami also destroyed the coastline of 11 south Asia’s countries, especially, Sri Lanka lost the reefs which protect it from the routine storms, and Maldives lost the coral reef encircling them. Additionally, the people depending mostly on the sea’s source are fallen into poverty, lacking of food, medicine …
“If only tsunami didn’t happen”- everyone in the world pray this. That’s impossible mission! Instead, we can reduce death toll and loss proportion, by identifying the tsunami’s sign. Scientists conclude that, when you see or feel the undertow (waves on surface are paradoxical with those beneath) which make fish flop and strike, or when you realize the animals flee to the high place, it anticipates there will be tsunami, Though sure or not, you should immediately move to an efficiently high place and pay attention to the news to know if you have been safe.
Supposed that there exists the deity’s hand, why do they allow this fatal disaster happen? Maybe they hate human? Or have they been seeing what man has done to his own planet, has their wrath become maximum? Although the scientists have proved that tsunami is only a natural phenomenon, not unchangeable, human has to be true to themselves that if we consider the Earth to be 46 years old (~ 46 million), people have existed for 60 seconds only. It’s high time we recognized and restored because– however developed and sophisticated our world become; everything will be a Zero if we continue to destroy our environment!
 
Well, nice try! Not stupid at all, very interesting and hot topic to discuss about. Some constructive comments if you care:
+ some minor grammar mistakes, re-read and edit or ask someone to proof-read for you
+ put quote "..." and/or references as and when you use other sources rather than your own words in your essays (for example, those statistics, the examiners would like to know where did you get it from)
+ it might be better if you spend a little bit more time to format the whole essay, say, put double space after each paragraph or hightlight some main points you are discussing about.
 
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Comments from the Writing Contest Board of Examiners:


“ Made some efforts to do research. Lots of mistakes! Verb tense confusion. Reminder: this is an essay, not a speech. At least write it for the readers' sake!”

“Tend to write too long sentences. The essay format is very bad. There are mistakes in the use of grammar, phrases, tense, etc.”

“Hien has some interesting ideas (such as the closing paragraph about human's irresponsibility to the environment), but they are usually left unsupported. There are a lot of grammar faults in the essay. However, she should be given credit for her efforts to research a complicated scientific topic.”
 
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